So far I have explored loneliness and fear - in this blog I explore happiness and draw some conclusions. Maybe it is simply a happiness thing.
I want to be happy, to find happiness and fulfillment in life and a knowing that this alone feeling is keeping me from true happiness. Maybe it is the very desire not to feel alone that is keeping me from happiness and is causing my suffering. Yoga and Buddhism have taught me that to end suffering is to be in the now, to accept that which is real and to live a life without to much attachment or aversion living a life of equanimity. I am committed to this way of life though I do tend to be overly optimistic and love excess in almost all my daily functions, I am working on it.
But alone feels less like suffering than it does a very real, in the now human condition. The more I bring myself into the now the more alone I feel. Alone is the very real state of not really feeling attachment and that includes other human beings. So does this mean to be happy I just need to accept that we are all alone and that it is only by accepting this alone feeling that I will find the peace I seek? I sure hope not because I do not think that is going to work for me.
So what about this feeling of alone I experience so often? Loneliness, fear and a desire for happiness are constant in the human condition and each one contributes to the feeling of being alone but none is for me a direct cause and effect for this feeling. They are all that which keeps me from others and in turn that which makes me want to reach out and connect with others more.
I feel therefore that there is a connection between this alone feeling and the lack of community I find in my life. I am on a quest to find community, in reality that is what this web site is about, my hope that if I talk to enough people and deconstruct enough of my own stories that maybe just maybe I can find more fulfillment and a deeper connection to those around me.
So what am I up against and how might I combat this alone feeling and find fulfillment?
stay tuned - the next set of blogs is my life story of searching